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Fist Excite

She who used to be alone now is no longer lonely. There is face who will say hi and bye. There is face for her eyes to look. She feels exciting. ‘Hi!’ said the face. ‘Hi’ she replied. ‘How are you?’ the face asked. ‘Good! You?’ she answered. As the conversation continue the more excited she got. The face asked her everything. Her days, feelings, emotions and even her doings. Smile always drawn on her face. She got even more excited and comfort. Just like a child who is capvitated by a chocolate. She began to expect another day, another story and waiting for what will the face ask. Then there was one day that is like a gift for her. Tempting her desire become wilder, excite her will become more eager. She imagine what will happen to the next day. What will they are talking about. What will they do. She who used to flee somewhere else. Now glued to that spot and refuse to move. It was her first time.

But who knows it was the turn over of her excite. The face changes, began to turn to another way, another direction, another things and another person. Now she has to say hi and bye first. She has to open the session first. She has to ask first and then it will begin. She began to loose an expectation and drew a distance. As if a saint wishpered, she is on fire. Increase her curiousity to another level. Every night she wondering why things are flip over. Blaming everything on hersef. Confusing her mind with bunch of burden.
There is something that caught her eyes. The face’s gaze. Somehow unusual. Those gaze that used to be so caring now as if a witch gave a spell on it those gaze seems so distant.   The face’s gaze, words, gesture and even voice feels like it belong to someone else now. She has been asking hundreds of questions to her mind. Makes the burden heavier as the distance between them grow bigger.

She came into a open nature with a tool that can capture memories. Hope she could find a strength to abandon her worries. Something caught her eyes. A cocoon that turned into a butterfly. Her eyes fixed for seconds, minutes even hours on that spot. She remembered about how she uses to be. She saw a lonely figure, a black silhouette who sat in the corner, who will move to another place as it get crowded. Who always felt alone even in the middle of crowd. Then the face came, she saw how herself changed after The face involved in her life. But then she also saw a sight where it told who The face was. A sight that completely different with who she was with The face that she expected. They were belong to the opposite part. Its painful but somehow reliefing, her burden seems lesser than before. She felt like she finally can stand up on a firm ground on a strong feet.

That painful sight become a reality. A bitter morning greeting. Now she realised that things were always the way they are now. She was blind because her excite feelings and over-expectation that made her forget to walk on the ground. Made her stay away from the reality.
‘You were my first excite. I’m thankful that you can change me into a better version. Therefore people change and so are feelings. Its painful but thank you for making me realise the reality.’ That was a last morning greeting with The face.

Had Gone

At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life


Ah I hate this…

I have been hate this annoying light for years. Cause  when you got a deep sleep because your soul and body are horribly tired,  you gonna wish to not have this light wake you up in such an early morning. I hate this light for always waking up my eyes, my body and my soul and forcing me to start my day.  I’ve got prayer, I wish to never wake up from my sleep but not being dead. Then this light never let me get my wish.

I hate it when my eyes are open cause at that very second I’ll realize that an empty spot in my life can’t seem to vanish. I’ve been looking for thing for years but still got nothing for it. Seems like this heart can’t look ahead or is it beacuse you’re the only one?

My life, now it look like so lifeless. The dream that I finally can reach seems become the only thing that keep me alive. The pain that I have to bear keep my soul screaming deep inside my heart. Luckly I’ve got this brain and this look that can always seems to deceive people that I’ve got no pain.

Time flies so quickly. The time of us being together sure is short. Those days, I had always feel like it passed so long since I had always treasure every second of it. I used to thought that if we spent the time so intimately, I will always feel like we are together forever. But now your voice, your touch, your warmth, your breath are not here, I realize that our time was really short. Now there is no eyes to stare at, no arms to hold, no shoulder to lean on and no warmth to melt this heart.

The world never knew. They have no memories of us. Everyone can’t seem to understand the emptyness that I have to bear right now cause you had gone. You had gone yeah you are… But the fame that you got makes people can’t seem to forget you. You sure were live in grace, your fame still hold the world to keep talking about you. To have the same life as you sure is hard. I wish between those talking there will be a word of courage. So even if they keep make me to remember you, at least there will be a word that also can courage me to look ahead. But then the world never knew, they never knew about us. The fame and the busy life that I got, can’t cover the fact that you had gone and that spot remains empty…